Immigration Mythology {Part 1}

Like most Americans, I had a variety of summer jobs as a teenager.  One situation stands out more than others; it was by far the worst, and hottest.

Between 10th and 11th grade, I worked as a "grape swamper," in vineyards west of Phoenix, AZ.  Swampers were the least experienced, hauling crates from the pickers (up and down the rows of grapevines) back to the packing trailer.  We worked from 4AM to 1PM, when it became unbearably hot to be outside.  I used to tell people that the best part of living in Phoenix is that when you die and go to hell, it will be 10 degrees cooler when you get there.

Are You Qualified to Teach Me?

I graduated from the University of Arizona, which at that time, was one of the top 10 schools of accounting.  I'm not sure how that was measured, or who did the measuring, but that's what we were told by all the recruiters from the large accounting firms.

Take Me Out (of) the Ball Game

Imagine how excited you might be to find the following employment ad in the classifieds:

Earn $2+ Million/Yr. Work Apr-Sept; poss OT in Oct.  Only req'd to work in good weather; no rainy days! Travel to major cities; stay at best hotels. Only expected to be productive 20%-30% of time; excellent performers (productive 30%-35%) earn much more. Random drug-testing conducted; not taken seriously though (should not impact career earning capacity).  Add'l income potential fm endorsements, TV and personal appearances, product sales.

The Absurdity of Audits

The following companies have at least 5 things in common:

 Bank of America • JPMorgan Chase • Capital One Bank (Credit Cards) • Goldman Sachs • Citigroup • Keycorp • Wells Fargo • AIG (Insurance) • American Express • US Bancorp • Merrill Lynch • General Motors (including GMAC Financial Services) • Chrysler (including Chrysler Financial)    Answers below*

The general public tends to think of certified public accountants primarily as tax preparers, but anyone can help you file taxes.  Basically, the only thing CPAs can do that you can’t (legally) do is issue an “opinion” on financial statements; specifically, performing the “annual audit.”

For many organizations, foregoing the annual audit is not an option; they are often required by law, grant requirements or loan covenants.  Most directors and stockholders/members (and lenders!) are under the impression the audit is an indication all is well.  By the time an audit report is received (4-6 months after year end) the organization could be in serious trouble.  Even then, it never addresses critical questions: